just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
