using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
