He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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