YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
