Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
