he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
