she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
