hotel room ftw
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
