Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize