Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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