I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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