1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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