So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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