hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
