The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
