Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
