We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
