I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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