either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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