Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
