Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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