I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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