Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
