why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
