I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
