I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
