dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
