I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
