the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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