Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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