Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
