Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
