You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
