I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
