she looked like the before picture.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
