your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
