he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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