just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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