1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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