We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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