I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
