i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
