I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
