I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
