lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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