I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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