I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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