I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
