We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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