I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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