Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
