Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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