Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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