:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
