They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I forget how to act sober
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
