Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
