I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
