I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
