clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
