mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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