grandma shit on top of the toilet
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
