I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this just has baby written all over it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
