Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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