Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
