its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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