are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
