I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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