wanna go halves on a baby?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
