is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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