someone get that fucking seahorse.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize