remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
